Go Back
by Diary
Summary: Reid and Chris have a discussion about past relationships and the former's current relationship with Luke. Complete.


Disclaimer: I do not own As the World Turns.

* * *

"Would you do things differently?"

Tiredly, Reid looks up his chair. "Doogie?"

"Go home, Oliver."

"Not a chance," Reid answers, stretching. "I'm staying until those incompetents appear with the test results."

"Suit yourself," Chris mutters. "Indulge me while we wait. If you could go back, knowing what you know now, would you have come to Oakdale?"

"Yeah," Reid answers, setting back into the chair. "Why wouldn't I?"

"Because of Luke."

"Wrong question, then," Reid answers. "Even knowing Ritchie Rich didn't have anything on me, I'd still come, and I'd treat Noah Mayer. Would I have kissed Luke in Dallas? Would I have gone on dates or almost declared my love for him? No. I would have left feeling nothing but contempt for a clingy, co-dependent, entitled brat. Any thoughts I had towards him would be towards that god awful period in my life when I had to deal with this annoying, entitled loser in this hick-bred town."

Chris scoffs. "I wonder how Luke would feel, to hear such things."

Reid shrugs. "He's never asked, but if he did, I'd tell him."

"Come on, Reid," Chris says, quietly. "Even you have to realise how much that would hurt him. What in the hell are you even doing with him if you feel that way?"

"I'm honest," Reid answers, simply. "You see, Doogie, if Luke could go back to some point in time and fix things with Noah, he would. Oh, he'd never admit it, which pisses me off, but it's the truth."

"People have regrets."

Reid shakes his head. "I don't. Want to know a secret, Doctor Hughes?"

"Sure," Chris answers, feeling his skin prickle.

"I hated being kidnapped. I hated having to go through a sham trial and a hearing to see if I deserved to keep my license. I hated getting stuck in that damn elevator, having to deal with the residents of Oakhell, and probably most of all, developing feelings for someone who despised me and was madly in love with someone else. But," he says, his vaguely ironic, "falling in love with Luke, being with him, those are the best things that have ever happened to me. If I thought for one minute, one second, even, that he'd someday feel the same, I'd be frigging grateful for those things that I hated. Which is terribly unhealthy, I'm aware."

"No, it's not," Chris says, softly.

"Love, obsession, passion, all that jazz has probably done more damage to humanity than hatred has," Reid counters. "People lose themselves, they become martyrs, and so on. I know it's cliché, but I honestly thought I was above it."

Looking up at the overhead lights, Chris sighs.

A sound causes him to look over, only to find Reid staring sharply at him. "If I could," Reid says, and Chris feels his already damaged heart tighten, too painfully, "I wouldn't change certain things that happened during college."

"I would."

"Strangely, that doesn't hurt me."

"Luke's feelings and mine towards you are somewhat different. Or a lot different, actually," Chris retorts, wondering when it became so effortless to lie.

Standing up, Reid walks over, and his fingers hover over the temporal pulse. Even as Chris realises he needs to learn to keep his mouth shut, he still extends his neck slightly, an automatic reflex. If Reid ever did this in public, he'd probably still find himself responding.

"I've taken his pulse," Reid says, quietly, fingers stroking the pulse, letting Chris feel it against the fingertips. "With and without his knowledge. Slightly elevated either time, a bit more when he knows. Yours, even when you're sound asleep, all I have to do is touch you, and your body responds just like this."

To drive the point home, the fingers are suddenly gone, and Chris finds himself craning forward, an embarrassing sound emitting from him.

"Stay calm, Chris," Reid orders, going back to the chair.

"You have regrets, Reid, even if the things leading up to falling in love aren't them."

"I suppose so," is the neutral answer. "But I try to avoid them, or I used to. I know he's going to break my heart. And if I could, I'd tell myself to treat Noah, go back to Dallas, and try never to think of that blond-haired, pop psychology spewing son of a bitch."

"He's in love with you, Oliver," Chris snaps, exasperated.

"Then, he wouldn't want to go back and fix things with his ex. I admit I know almost nothing about love, but everyone who came before him, I don't regret it not working. At most, I'm still fond of them and wish things could have ended on a better note."

"Same with him, you idiotic jackass," Chris says, louder than intended. "He's in love with you. Why can't you see what everyone else can? Tell me, Doctor, do you need your eyesight checked?"

"Don't overexcite yourself, Doogie," Reid tells him. "I'm not going to die without his love. Who could love a heartless man, huh? Isn't that how the saying goes?"

"Well," Chris says, "I could die. Don't," he warns, seeing Reid's about to respond, "and I love Katie, but I won't deny that if I could go back, even knowing how you feel about Luke, I'd tell myself to stay, do things different. Stop chasing after a screwed up girl, stop getting involved with women I know are wrong, and focus on this asshole kid in my radiology class who always corrects me in front of the whole damn class and often has food on his face. Because, yeah, I was just as screwed up as the people I was chasing, and so was he, but he could just touch me, and I'd react mentally and physically."

"I had some pizza sauce on my chin one time, Doogie," Reid murmurs, obviously trying to process the words.

"You don't need to say anything or ever bring this up again," Chris tells him. "I'll just deny it if you do. And, also, it was more than once. Chocolate cake, soy sauce, sugar, and that one time you managed to get raspberry jam on your forehead."

"The sugar was your fault."

Chris closes his eyes. For one moment, he's back, away from all his mistakes, past, present, and future, arguing and laughing with Reid.

"Did you tell him about me?"

"No. I honour my promises, Christopher."

"Tell 'im," he says. "Tell them all, for all I care."

There's gentle fingers on the temporal pulse. "We'll see if you still feel the same once you recover. Sleep for now, Chris."


End file.
